Christmas Ties and Suspenders
Can someone tell me when white suspenders became high fashion? Every time I thumb through a magazine, I see it plastered with people wearing white suspenders! These people are not your average old man either! There are sexy female models seductively pulling on their white suspenders and debonair young men trying to look like they belong in The Rat Pack in Vegas wearing them too! Maybe I'm just a little amused by the sight of anyone under the age of 70 wearing white suspenders. Maybe I'm just a little confused as to why anyone in their right mind would think that white suspenders are considered to be fashionable. The whole point of wearing those things is to keep your pants from falling down. Heck, I don't know any young, fashionable models that need help keeping their pants up. Most of the pants they wear look like they have been painted on anyway! They definitely don't have to worry about their pants falling off! They are going to need help prying them off!
Let me retract my previous statement. I do know some people under the age of 75 that need white suspenders. I just had an epiphany! We can take all the fashionable white suspenders and give them to the young people who think the waist of their pants are supposed to go around their knees. This will save people like me, who have children that accompany them to Wal-Mart on a regular basis, from exposing our children to everyone's choice of underwear. White suspenders can save this particular breed of human from further looking like an orphan who is wearing Grandpa's hand-me-downs. Now that I think of it, we can provide white suspenders to innocent bystanders like myself. I would gladly buy a pack of white suspenders to have on hand! I would keep them in my suitcase, I mean my purse, right beside the Scooby Doo fruit snacks and used tissues. If I happen to see a sagging butt offender in need of a quick pant alteration, I can whip out my white suspenders and clip up the pants myself.
I now know that white suspenders can save the human race. Here I was, thinking that white suspenders were for old men! Old men can wear belts! I am buying stock in white suspenders and I, myself, am going to start a revolution. White suspenders will save the world from having to look at every thug wannabe's boxer shorts. You are welcome, world.