The Pharaoh and his minions also wore Egyptian costumes, but they were fancier than the pyramid workers. The Pharaoh wore a pleated skirt, similar to a parochial school girl's. He also wore a fake beard. No one questioned his manhood, though, unless they wanted to get fed to the crocodiles.

As part of their Egyptian costumes, Pharaohs had a plethora of crowns to choose from. How do you like that word plethora? Anyway, the Pharaoh had a White Crown and a Red Crown, that symbolized Upper and Lower Egypt. The White Crown looked like an inverted ice cream cone and the Red Crown looked like a sick butterfly. When the Pharaoh's ancestor united the two Egypts, he stuck the two crowns together. The new crown became part of Egyptian costumes. It was a military triumph, but a fashion disaster.

When Cleopatra became Queen of the Nile, she continued the tradition of royalty wearing elaborate Egyptian costumes. She sported big golden headpieces, gold-embroidered gowns, and so much jewelry they could hear her jangling in Rome. Her Egyptian costumes also included wigs and forty-seven pounds of mascara. Poor Anthony didn't know what he was getting. But it all availed her nothing in the end. I believe her last words were "Who put that asp in my basket?"

Nowadays, Egyptian costumes are just for fun, because they don't wear Egyptian costumes in Egypt any more. But you can still dress up like a Pharaoh. The only difference is that the Pharaoh's skirt was linen and yours will be polyester. That's okay, because the Pharaoh's skirt couldn't go in the dryer. And your crown will be plastic instead of gold, so you won't care if someone swipes it.

You ladies can be queenly and resplendent in plastic gold jewelry and a shimmering white gown in polyester, snake not included. You can also get a golden headpiece like Cleopatra's, although it isn't gold, it's elastic. It's one size fits all, instead of one size fits Cleopatra.