Female Gangsters: A How To Guide
by Emily Neeland
Hollywood has a history of glorifying the exploits of male gangsters in productions like the Godfather, Scarface, the Sopranos, and countless others. But where my girls at? Gender equality extends to criminal professions as well as legitimate ones. Women like Bonnie Parker, Stephanie St. Clair and Griselda Blanco broke that glass ceiling and allowed for other femme fatales to follow in their footsteps. Here we present a guide to cultivating a stylish and fearsome persona for all of you aspiring female gangsters out there.
Every woman entering into the field of organized crime needs to be packing heat. When you're wheeling and dealing with other criminals, it is wise to keep some weaponry on hand for self defense and persuasive tactics. Just think of your gun as an extension of your personality; a chance to express yourself! If gunmetal gray is a little too drab for your taste try jazzing it up with some glittery nail polish, or finding a holster in your favorite shade of pink.
Whether you're trying to get past nosy DEA agents at the El Dorado International Airport in Bogota, or you just want to prevent any chance of future identification while robbing a bank, a female gangster needs a few good disguises prepared at all times. To blend into the crowd while simultaneously taking on another persona, female gangsters require an artillery of wigs, sunglasses, and hats. If the situation calls for complete facial coverage (and maximum theatrical effect) during a heist, then a full face mask is what you want. Another option would be the over-the-face pantyhose technique. With so many options on the market today, it won't be difficult to find the perfect hosiery to match your ensemble, or coordinate with the holiday your crime spree falls on!
If you're going to be transporting contraband on the reg, it doesn't hurt to get a little creative with how you hide the goods. Although a lady thug can use her décolletage to smuggle small items without detection, sometimes more inventive methods need to be employed. Try breaking up your haul into suspicion-repelling items like easter eggs or genie lamps. A sneaky female gangster can use a fake pregnant belly to conceal illegal cargo, and also obtain seating on even the most crowded of vessels!
Being a female gangster in a world full of male gangsters comes with one distinct advantage: using your feminine wiles to obtain power. Make no mistake, there will be ample opportunities to get a leg (or two) up in the world of organized crime by means of sexual enticement. Much like in the fields of show business and medicine, there is no shame in sleeping your way to the top. Think of yourself as a black widow spider, weaving a web of seduction in which your prey will be trapped.